Well the van is still broken. but its got insurance and AAA now next month ill register it then we get it fixed and we are back on the road. which really is just rides to doctor appts and such as i dont drive in this area i get to confused.
They are trying yet another anti depressant on my this time its cymbalta. So far i have noticed that there is a decrease in some areas of pain but just like the other anti depressants its slowly working its way to keeping me awake all the time and thus causing manic episodes. though they are small right now they always grow.and grow and grow.
We made it threw Kelli's anniversary and her bday without too much of a issue for any of us. maybe that's what it really means when you say your prepared for someones death. you heal a little faster because of your feelings of thank god they are out of pain. so even though you get sad and lonely for that person. keeping then on this world would have meant more pain and problems then anyone should have to suffer
I should probably write more but sometimes things stay on a pretty even keel for extend periods of time and there's nothing to write about. This is one is like an update and a bit of manic and anxiety. i cant sleep and when everyone is getting up i finally am sleepy and if i stay up to go to bed that night like i should i am over tired and i cant sleep that night ether and then it just explodes to the point of not remembering what day you last slept or ate.
i dont really have alot to say except i am lonely. i talked to an old friend last night for almost 2 hrs and just talking about the fun we use to have and the trouble we use to get into actually made me feel better then i had in days. there are just so few ppl that have spent any length of time in my life to share that kind of stuff with. With GM and GF passed on and BM with a new bf. and things going on with everyone else. there isn't much time left for a screwed up mental case like me in their lives.
but all in all we have had it great every since we moved here to Michigan. i wouldn't trade this experience though i really miss Vermont. what i miss the most is opening the front door after a rain storm and smelling the pine trees. kinda daft but then so am i .
Well i am actually feeling a little tired so i am going to try to sleep if not i ll be back lol have fun
Friday, April 04, 2008
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