When do you start feeling old? Is it when you hear your high school dance music playing over the supermarket speakers or in an elevator? Is it the first time your called Mame or Sir by the pimple faced kid at the register? Is it the first time you notice that your Grey is noticeable? Is it when you realize your still young but you no longer have the glow and energy of youth? Is it when your joints are more accurate then the local weatherman? Is it when you look at your 40th birthday and realize that you have another 40 or more years to try and live a productive life?
I look back at my journals and the entries in my blog and I wonder to myself. In a little over a year I will be 40. what happened to the last 40? How did I last this long wading threw what was sewer pit? I have to believe that this signifies that my life has a reason. I have no clue what it is but I am satisfied that in some way I have touched someones life or I will in the future that will lead to something good for that person. I guess you could say I have faith in fate.
I have lived in cars. I have slept in empty house and garages that were up for sale. I have found my food in some very unsavory places. I was a drunk. Until 05 I had always lived in an abusive home or was in an abusive relationship. That was the same year I was hit by a minivan and my life really changed. So what is the next half of my life going to hold? I can't have children anymore. I doubt very much I am going to win the lottery as I don't play it. I am not going to win a casino jackpot. I have lived near 3 of them for over 2 years and I have never even seen the buildings.
I would like to go back to school and get my teaching degree and work with adults who have cognitive disorders, but I don't even know if with my own cognitive issues if i can get threw school or hold a job. Am I too old to start school and to start teaching? Though I enjoy where I live and I can't afford to buy a home I would like to be able to someday. I don't want to grow old alone then again no one really does. While I am not afraid of actually getting old it does leave me with a lot of questions who's answers wont be found till I have lived them.
I look back at my journals and the entries in my blog and I wonder to myself. In a little over a year I will be 40. what happened to the last 40? How did I last this long wading threw what was sewer pit? I have to believe that this signifies that my life has a reason. I have no clue what it is but I am satisfied that in some way I have touched someones life or I will in the future that will lead to something good for that person. I guess you could say I have faith in fate.
I have lived in cars. I have slept in empty house and garages that were up for sale. I have found my food in some very unsavory places. I was a drunk. Until 05 I had always lived in an abusive home or was in an abusive relationship. That was the same year I was hit by a minivan and my life really changed. So what is the next half of my life going to hold? I can't have children anymore. I doubt very much I am going to win the lottery as I don't play it. I am not going to win a casino jackpot. I have lived near 3 of them for over 2 years and I have never even seen the buildings.
I would like to go back to school and get my teaching degree and work with adults who have cognitive disorders, but I don't even know if with my own cognitive issues if i can get threw school or hold a job. Am I too old to start school and to start teaching? Though I enjoy where I live and I can't afford to buy a home I would like to be able to someday. I don't want to grow old alone then again no one really does. While I am not afraid of actually getting old it does leave me with a lot of questions who's answers wont be found till I have lived them.
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